It has been a very rough last few months for me. Not going to get into specifics but just going to say that if you don’t listen to your heart and face the music, you’re going to continue to lie to yourself and whatever you have to deal with, is your own damn fault.
I would like to just say that I have been feeling like I’m suffocating in where I’m at in life. Could be from the accident, who knows but I do know that I’m not the same person vs a year ago. Things affect me differently. I’m emotional; get irritated easily; frustrated when things don’t go my way. Really upset of how I look. I have gained a little and since I’m unable to work it off, it just sits there and there’s nothing I can do. However, I have started to walk – which somewhat gets the endorphins flowing but not near as much when I used to run. I miss running, more than anything at this point and I wish I could be like that again. Just run out the door, onto the trail and run as fast as I can and not be out of breath. Breathing in sync with my steps, my heart racing but not to the feeling that I’m going to have a heart attack. Running makes me happy.
I’m tired of having to rely on medication to feel better. I thought if I took a break from it, that maybe I could start to be myself again. No. The pains came back but much worse than before I started on them and I had no choice but to resume the medication. I’m not really thrilled about it. I know it affects my daily life, while at work – I’m not as focused as I used to be. I get bored terribily easily and it’s frustrating. I’m trying to stay focused, eliminating all distractions.
Planned on writing more today, but I think this will have to do. I know I need to keep writing, will get my mind off of things.