A Change is On The Rise

These last few, ok several weeks of shopping at Wal-mart on the weekends have ruined my good eating habits and replaced them with junk. All. Junk. I did eat some feta/spinach pizza for dinner a little bit ago but now snacking on some kettle corn popcorn while sipping on Arizona tea. I guess, that’s not too bad — but this week so far at work I’ve had two cans of Mt. Dew per day and now the thought of having one again, isn’t appealing at all. I’ve said for months that I’m going to get back on track (but I haven’t been on track in who knows how long). I would love to be a healthy size 4/5 and have enough energy to keep up after Alexis and lug the laundry up/down three flights of stairs on the weekends without feeling winded. I have never been this bad. Growing up, I was a size -1 or 2? Yep, negative. I was lucky to hit 0 or 1. My metabolism was insanely high, and if I did nothing but sit and eat – I’d still burn. Nothing worked. Now, whatever I eat goes straight towards my midsection. Skips my arms/hands – they’re skinny like always. My *favorite* jeans that I used to wear a belt just to keep them up, now are just about too small to button up. OMG I’m FAT! Okay, not fat per-se just getting there. I’m unproportioned, basically.

I used to run 5 miles a day, every other day… oh 4-7 years ago? The running tapered off considerably after I broke my ankle in ’08 – it tends to grind a little if I mis-step sometimes so I’m hesitant of injuring it again. I prefer running on dirt/ground vs. a track/pavement because it has less of a shock, plus I loathe running in a huge oval – distance running with a purpose – I much rather prefer. During those runs, I would be able to regulate my breathing and be able to carry on a conversation with a fellow runner. I’m sure I looked like a huge dork because my arms/legs weren’t toned at all (I’m tall/slender – at least more-so back then) and very pale because I’m afraid of skin cancer – so I avoid getting burned if at all possible. I would run and feel rather happy with myself and life. Stress free, and motivated to get things done after my runs – and sleep really well upon bedtime. Now though, I have to rely on sleep aids, I get headaches and ocassionally migraines and my motivation/energy level is non-existant. I’m also beyond stressed out.

If stress alone could kill you, I would be dead ages ago.

The hard part is finding a diet that works for you, and sticking to it. I have researched for diets/foods that will work but either they seem really bland or too expensive to keep buying them weekly. My boyfriend Clint is able to survive skipping breakfast but I cannot. I would shrivel up and die – or at least my stomach growls loudly to wake everyone up in the office. Very embarassing. This morning, I attempted some oatmeal that was high in fiber. I know fiber is good for you, especially as you age but I’m only 30. Thirty. Should I really be worrying about fiber? Isn’t that for people those over 50? I really do want to get to a healthy weight. Technically I’m underweight (haha, imagine that) but not a healthy shape. For my height, I should be 130-150 lbs. I cannot imagine being 150 much less 140. I hover around 122 normally. I have never weighed higher than 128lbs. Back to the oatmeal. It was really gross. Walmart “Great Value” brand, stay away from it, folks. Supposed to taste like a Cinnamon Roll or whatever, but it was terrible. Growing up, I’d be fine with fixing two packets of oatmeal or Grits or Cream of Wheat with some water and having that for breakfast before school and be just fine. What happened?

My mid-section gives the impression that I’m due to having a baby – but I am not. There was only two times in my life where I was asked this. The people were serious, and I just ended up laughing. I just hate looking like this. Spring is coming up soon, and summer after that. All these cute outfits are online and I have to pass them up because why waste the money? I know, I know – if I get on a plan now – and stick to it – there is hope. There is always hope, if I work at it. That quote, “Good things come to those who wait.” Well, I’M WAITING! Hahaha.. No really, I am. :/

There is a lovely park in the next town over that has several walking/running paths in a wooded area as well as a track or two – I really, really want to start out there.  The weekends may be a better option to run anyway – more daylight available. By the time I get home, there’s about an hour of so of good daylight left. Until Spring hits, I may have to run outdoors on the weekends and work out via Xbox 360 during the week.

My car is seriously on the fritz again. This isn’t an excuse. If I could walk to the park, I would. This weekend I’m hoping to get the cable (or whatever its called) that’s connected to the battery replaced because while idling, my car is on the verge of dying. It was fine last week.

Clint bought this last weekend. OMGDUDETHISTHINGISAWESOME! It’s portable and charges your iPod/iPhone/iNano whenever it’s plugged in. Bonus! No more having to hurt my ears with the ear buds just to listen to commercial free music. 🙂

In other news, we’re apartment hunting – a bit early since our lease ends in about 6 months but better to be early than late, right? Clint is pretty sure where he wants to live – but I want to check out the other options, if there are any that is. I would love to be closer to work but we’ll see. I’m also sick to death of renting. My credit sucks so there is no way I could ever buy a house so renting it is. I guess renting is better though, especially in this economy because you just never know what may lie beyond the corner.

Happy Fat Tuesday!