I think I’m done with giving out advice to those who will resist listening to any sort of reason.

My boyfriends’ family – they’re really some of the most amazing people I’ve met, but they’re also going through a stressful time. Without getting into the details, I have some background experience with difficult situations. Hell, my life IS a difficult situation… :p

I’ve stopped talking about the bad things that I’ve gone through, besides to Jeff. Sometimes things would remind me. Such as terrible thunderstorms for instance. I used to love going outside to the screened in porch (probably not the smartest idea) and sit and listen to the rain falling onto the driveway, I’d be at peace. Now, I can’t even do that.. Need to distract myself from storms altogether. I haven’t been near fireworks since well, for two years – so I’m not quite sure how I’m going to react to them. This year will be my first one in a while being with someone who genuinely cares about me and my well-being. There’s no pretending.. We’re just ourselves, which sometimes makes me blurt out things without thinking ahead of time. I do admit to that a few times already, even recently. Oops.

So, back to my main point for posting this entry. People won’t understand your logic, er some of them won’t. They’ll need to experience it for themselves. I understand that as I’m one of them… Eh, it’s too time consuming to worry about things that don’t affect me.

This moves onto stress.

WebMD says this:

“What happens when you are stressed?

Stress is what you feel when you have to handle more than you are used to. When you are stressed, your body responds as though you are in danger. It makes hormones that speed up your heart, make you breathe faster, and give you a burst of energy. This is called the fight-or-flight stress response.

Some stress is normal and even useful. Stress can help if you need to work hard or react quickly. For example, it can help you win a race or finish an important job on time.

But if stress happens too often or lasts too long, it can have bad effects. It can be linked to headaches, an upset stomach, back pain, and trouble sleeping. It can weaken your immune system, making it harder to fight off disease. If you already have a health problem, stress may make it worse. It can make you moody, tense, or depressed. Your relationships may suffer, and you may not do well at work or school.”


Ever since I can remember, I’ve experienced stress that was ongoing. It’s rare when my heart is at rest. So, that explains everything!

Who isn’t stressed? I suppose if you have a great career and no financial worries then maybe you’d be fine, but there are loads of people who aren’t in that situation (myself included) and I have no idea how to remedy this situation. I suppose until I get a job, I gotta keep pecking away with job applications/interviews. Cleaning tends to relax me, oddly enough. Lately though, I haven’t had the energy/drive to clean.

Some instances where I stress/freak out. They are but not limited to:

  • I stress when I get into my car, while starting it up. Reason: I was involved in a car accident a few months ago. Still a bit traumatized from it. I guess that makes sense.
  • Having to make a phone call to an individual or company to ask a question. Unless it’s family or a close friend, I’m terrified.
  • Being sued by my own father – and the case NOT being thrown out by the judge…. That’s an entry in itself. I’ll delve into that some other time.
  • Being stuck in the middle of things. I have morals yet I’m not really all that religious… but spiritual? I’ll explain that one later as well.
  • Worrying about things that are out of my control: Seeing my old-self in other people.. then trying to warn their loved ones on what to expect or how to remedy it from their lives – only to have them not listen to you and tell you to shut up already.
  • Things that remind me of bad experiences I’ve been in. Storms; people yelling – in derogatory terms.
  • My father. I used to say to myself that he means well, but seriously.. I’m not so sure anymore.
  • My past. All of it. I just can’t believe of how lazy I used to be and now-a-days I’m so much the opposite. I no longer do things half-ass. When I was working, I’d used to report to work even while sick because I needed the money. NOW I understand the value of a dollar. If only I had focused/paid attention years ago, I don’t know where I’d be…

I think I’ll post later… That’s it for now.


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