It has been a long time coming, but here I am, posting again. A lot has happened, as I will delve into another time but for now I shall express my gratefulness of my current state of mind.
I had almost forgotten I had this site until recently. Up until late March, I didn’t even own my a computer so that was pretty difficult – as I rarely went online for anything. My old/main Gmail account rose up into the thousands of unread email, so much that once I went back online with my new (but old) laptop, I did away from that account and created a new one. 🙂
In the past, it has been where I was too afraid to post my real feelings and how I saw the world, and those around me. I can tell you now, that will all be all different now. Forget that mess. Done.
Much happier now, with myself for one. I went a year and a half alone, intentionally to ‘find myself’ again. I’m glad I did because out of no where I found someone, for me – someone who fits me completely… Only it feels like we’ve known each other for years, its a little crazy, really. With Jeff, it’s as if there’s no judgements.
In February of this year, I was involved in a car accident right outside of my work, I swear I had the green arrow, to turn left but the other guy who hit me swore he had the solid green to go straight. There’s no fault found, but either way we’d be responsible for the repairs. It was pretty bad because I didn’t have any extra coverage on it due to my car being so old. It’s an ’89. Not worth, at the time, to put anything extra as I didn’t think I’d be involved in anything. Since the “Cash For Clunkers” program went through from President Obama, it was very hard to find a decent replacement vehicle via CraigsList because the cars were in terrible shape and or very high miles. Mine had only 137K, not bad.. if you think about it. After a few weeks of searching my mechanic made me a deal. He’d repair my car for a discount, as only to pay for the parts.. and it wouldn’t be back to 100% just to working order, which was music to my ears because at that point, I needed a vehicle.
Its been a few weeks since I received my car back but with no luck in finding a job. I had to quit my job at Meijer because I had no way of getting there, especially with no car. It was a 45 min to an hour drive one way.. Much too long. I felt bad because that’s not the way I wanted to leave the company, but I had no other option.
A recap of the time I was gone from this site: During the relationship between my ex and I in 2008, I was falling out of love with him. Love. An interesting word that is… It was far from love. Anyway, it ended horribly in November when I took him to court for domestic battery. He has his side, I have mine. The end.
Through May 2009 I had to move out of my apartment but no idea where to go as I couldn’t afford living there on my own so my Dad offered to help me pay the other half of the monthly rent. Of course he lectured me and said I shouldn’t have signed the lease papers to begin with if I wasn’t able to pay for the whole thing if anything should happen, but I didn’t need a lecture, how would that help me in that point in time? None, exactly. So he stepped in and helped me financially. Meanwhile I was staying home, not going out to eat, or going out anywhere to save money. I was literally becoming a hermit. Anyone who walked up the stairs to the neighboring apartment, I was on edge. Scared it might be my ex. So in May, my Dad and step mom came up with this fantastic idea of me living/working inside a family friends’ home for a year. All was fine until the guy told me not to do things… like clean and cook. It was a little crazy. Long story short, by seven months I was ready to move out, yet again to anywhere.
December 2009. The first of the month. My dad and I had a fallout. I was done with his ridiculous antics of his made up disease. (Okay, its not made up but if you knew the guy, you’d think he’s completely crazy) He’s not a doctor yet diagnosed me as if he was. He builds home for a living. Nothing to do with the medical field. Anyway…
January of this year I moved into a co-workers house. All was fine, sorta. I lived out of cardboard boxes. I needed something more permanent than that, but I was happy to be with people who actually were kind and enjoyed talking. My previous residence didn’t do much of that. I tried to avoid conversation because it was like walking on eggshells.
February – I was seriously hitting hard on a new/better place to live. I had found a place mid Feb but it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. Unfortunately I had made up my mind halfway through the moving in process so after work on this particular day, I had this funny sick-to-the-stomach feeling. It never went away, got worse as I was walking towards my car. I looked around as if something was about to happen. I had bought some snack bars so I ate two of them and sipped from my bottle of water. The feeling hadn’t went away yet. I started my car, let it warm up even though it didn’t need to warm up, I just wanted to feel better. I sighed and told myself aloud that I’m just being silly. I pulled out of the parking spot and into the side street leading out onto the main street. As I approached the red light, I stopped and waited for the sinking feeling to disappear. The light turned green, I had my left turn signal going, I accelerated and this black car out from the corner of my eye, came straight towards me. Once our cars collided, the sinking feeling went away. Right before impact I remember seeing the light.
Green arrow. Green arrow. I kept repeating those words aloud. I knew it was important. There was an off duty officer on the cross street who stopped traffic. He went to the other car first, the female passenger had blood running down her face, the driver, I couldn’t tell, but was still seated inside his car. The officer ran to my car and asked if I was okay. I kept saying Green Arrow, Green Arrow.. He asked what my name was and I paused. I stared blankly at him and said I didn’t know.
He asked “Do you have any pain?”
Me: “My neck hurts and I can taste blood.”
Officer: “Stop talking and stay very still.”
Me: “You’re kidding right?” While laughing. I couldn’t stop laughing. He called in a second bus/paramedics.
A few moments later I heard sirens. More police, a firetruck and two ambulances arrived, blocking the entire intersection. Sadly none of the vehicles present at the time of the accident stuck around to give witness statements so they had nothing to go by.
Alright, time to go to bed. Will continue this later…
See ya on the flip side, yo!