Move along, move along. Just venting here…

So, I’m poor. So poor I’m considering giving up the internet. I have to go over my finances and my budget again. Have to do so many things I’m about in over my head and I don’t know what to do. So lost, so lost…

Afraid of signing up for a credit card to consolidate the bills, but if I have to, I have to. I’m keeping an eye on all the incoming credit card offers in the mail, of the APR (not just the introductory rate) and the annual fee (if any). I hate the annual fee part. My credit isn’t quite at “awesome” level yet, but much higher than it was let’s say… a year ago.

The problems I’ve had with my car are staggering. Yes, if I had a better paying job, I’d be able to save the extra money for a “OH MY GOD MY CAR DIED” fund and use that money for the repairs. Unfortunately, I had no such fund. Savings went towards that plus the stuff from the checking. I’m literally scraping by each month. I think we’re getting paid on Wednesday this week, it being Thanksgiving… and Fridays are normally payday. It better be Wednesday, or I’m screwed. I’m screwed either way, but I really don’t want any checks to bounce. Never had any bounce, and I don’t plan on it either.

I’m just scared. What if something did happen, how the hell would I pay for it? I hate being like this: Poor as all hell. I wasn’t this bad off last year, so what changed? I’m earning more than last year… oh yes that’s right. I didn’t have any major car troubles a couple months in a row to cause all of my troubles. That’s right. How could I forget?

I can’t break my lease until it runs out in July, so I’m paying out of my ass until then, on top of paying my Dad back (I don’t mind doing that… not only do I have to, but I said I would and there’s too much riding on it if I didn’t). I’m trying to save for myself but I have maybe $1 in the savings account, enough to keep it open. I’m in trouble and I don’t know to get myself out. I’m more stubborn more than any person I know. My Dad could help me out, but I would rather have someone objective and I don’t like when people that  close to me knowing all about my personal finances.

Next time my car breaks down, I’m going elsewhere. I shouldn’t of had to go twice to get my car fixed for the same problem.. and get charged up the wazoo. Gah, sorry. I’m so venting… if you don’t like it, you can leave. I’m not stopping any of ya.

A friend keeps telling me that my situation will change, it’ll get better but fuck. I’m so pissed. I’m literally hoping that the big check won’t be cashed out until Wednesday.. and other various things I’ve used my debit card on.. groceries and gas. Gah. Wiped out my credit card for a doctors’ visit last week when work required me to go to get a doctors’ note. $49 down the drain. Just for the doc to tell me to stay home as I was contagious with the flu. Lost two days of work. Lost money. Hours. Money. Screw it, next time I’m sick, I’m working. They’ll have to kick me out fighting. I want those hours, dammit!

This upcoming week will be a blast to work… or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. If I go in with a bad attitude, I’ll have a terrible day. Yes, Friday (Black Friday) will be so freaking busy… but hey, it’s what, 14 hours? Saturday I’m working at least 15 (probably will be more) and Sunday six or so at my other job.

Will have to call the business tomorrow to tell them to not cash the check until Wednesday at the soonest. I hate doing this… but I really don’t like being put into this situation. If they had told me the estimated amount of the repair, I wouldn’t be so worried about it. Instead, they told me at the end. Gah.

I need a better car.

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