Grumble…grumble…

I don’t know what’s up the boyfriend. We were going to hang out this afternoon after I got home from work, but nothing. Not a phone call, text, nothing.

It was nice to have the afternoon to myself though, but not knowing whether I was going out to eat or not was getting to me. I ended up staying in, made a good home-cooked meal (really… no microwaves were involved except to re-heat it): pan-fried sausages & spiral mac ‘n cheese. Mmm. Oh, and some juice.

I’m losing more weight than I like. Well technically, I’ve gained a few pounds, but it will fluctuate as usual so I won’t take stock into it. I’m severely underweight and I don’t know what to do. Like, I don’t think I’m anorexic, I know I’m thin… but sometimes I just get too tired to eat, so I don’t. At all. Like I had to force myself to eat breakfast today. It wasn’t much but it helped me until 11am, which is an improvement from all week. I can see it in my hands more than anything. I’m too bony and I hate it. I can only imagine what others think of me when they see me. “Good god, she’s so thin…”

I don’t get sick, or make myself sick. I hate feeling sick in general. I’d rather work than stay home by default. But I have noticed I haven’t been able to sleep very well this year. My appetite is non-existent. Unless it’s lunchtime and I’m near a Wendy’s, and then I’m set. At my PT job, some co-workers do mention that I’m getting pretty thin and it’s kinda getting on my nerves. It’s like yes, I know I’m thin, what do you want me to do about it? My FT job screwed me over for benefits so that takes out going to the doctor as an option. Besides increasing the amount of food I take in daily, what else can I do?

I don’t feel depressed – I’m usually happy – so that can’t be the issue. It has to be work and family/home life. Has to be. My dad thinks my diet is terrible – thinks I should go on the Low Carb Diet (I think he’s full of shit) and he isn’t a doctor by any means.

Ugh. It isn’t quite 11 yet but I am tired. I did the dishes earlier so I’m just wiped out, that and from work.. been up since 0445, worked the cash at work for like 4.5 hrs so I’m burnt out. No more counting money, please! (I work in Audit now…)

G’night world.

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