I’m getting closer to my goal

I have decided to take a break from… the internet for awhile, well as far as posting goes. I'll still be coming online to check email and read the news, but that's about it. I suppose I'm going through yet another phase to figure myself out, or maybe I'm flat out bored of it all. The same type of people moaning and groaning about their lives. Change it! Nothing will happen on it's own. I don't know why I still try to help others when they aren't willing to change themselves.

I heard about what happened to my dear friend, Dorea. Her grandmother died recently, suddenly as well. I'm so very sorry…

I guess she's not the only one having a bad week, not saying I'm trying to compare or anything, but man. It's just been bad. I have friends in Indiana who want me to come back, one offered for me to live with her, but I just don't know. She said even this summer would be possible. Maybe for her, but not me. I don't even have the funds to even consider that at the moment. In August I'll be visiting for my sisters' going away party, so then we can talk more in-depth about everything. I don't like talking about serious things over the phone, you can't get your point across because the other person can't see your facial expressions and the more time you take on the phone, the more minutes you burn. Stupid plans.

I had an elderly lady blow up on me last night at work, and she's one of my repeat customers too. Usually she is very nice… slow but nice. She must be in her 90's or something. She had wanted to return some Easter cards, but it being past Easter, I couldn't accept them and she started to yell at me. I'm like "C'mon lady, it says it right on the receipt…" but no one reads receipts these days. I do, because well.. I like to see their policies and things, what I can and cannot do, I like to be fully informed, really. :p

I'm getting hooked on the fifth Harry Potter book now, again. I'm a bit more than halfway through it and I seem to have a hard time putting it down. Co-workers have noticed it too, so I have stopped bringing it into work as it causes me to punch in later than normal. I'm usually right on time.

The whole summer thing is getting to me now. As far as my physical apperances goes. Royal says I look "JUST FINE" but I don't think so. Chuck used to poke fun at my stomach (it's bigger  – er, pudgy). Like everything I eat, goes there, doesn't spread out like it's supposed to. Even after running nearly every other day these past few months, nothing. Nada. I always felt bad about it when I was dating Chuck, like he wanted me to be skinny, like I used to be. I won't ever be like that again, I was way too underweight. I'm up to 119 now. YAY! I'm aming for at least 125 by the end of the month. Royal told me I do look just fine and that I have nothing to worry about. I'm afraid he's just saying that to be nice and crap. Just tell me the truth, people. No more sugar coating.

I used to be 125lbs before I moved out here last year, so I'm hoping I'll get there again, and maybe by that time…maybe… my stomach will get a bit more flatter. I hope. Damn, I sound so vain when I say all that.

My dad suggested me being a model, but I just can't see myself doing that. It's a totally different field than what I'm doing now, obviously. Maybe I do have the body for it, but not the mind. I like to exercise my thoughts and ideas, not be someone who everyone dresses up as if I'm a doll. And so what if I'd be paid lots of money? I wouldn't be happy being treated like that.

Then again, I never imagined I would join the Military, and I did. I suppose the events that led me to it, were for a reason. I don't know. I doubt modeling is in my future though.

Okay, off to bed… staying up way too late.

Happy Tuesday

Update: I'm 120.5 lbs, as of this morning. YAY!


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