Tend To Your Inner Garden

Ha. My Dad had asked me to figure out what caused all my past relationships to fail, as if it was all my fault. Eh. I should ask him the very same question. Who really knows. I know I do have a problem with not being assertive, and that has led me into situations I later regretted.

Anyway, I don’t know anymore. I’m trying to move on. If we could be friends, great. If not, then so be it. I don’t hate any of my ex’s. Hate is such a strong word in itself. I never hated him. I didn’t really want to be around him as much as I wanted in the beginning, but oh well. We weren’t compatible. He wanted the old me, and I was done being that person. He wanted so many things. I wanted different things, that was it. End of story.

Now, as for my family trying to intervene by hinting that what I’m doing now is sinful or just immature, it’s my life, not yours. Be happy I’m not doing drugs. Accept me for who I am. Love me for who I am. I am your daughter, your sister, your friend. I’m not trying to play the guilt card here, I’m being honest. And lately, it’s has been very hard for me to be honest as it almost always bit me in the butt later on.

I try so hard to please others, but there is just no way that I can please every single person, so I shall do what I read in my latest book, “Tend to your inner garden.”

Being with the new person is much different. And it’s not the typical relationship you’d normally think of either. We didn’t do anything till after I was dumped. Emotionally I was seperated from him, but not in the technical terms. Though I was in absolute misery with just “sticking it out” I felt it wouldn’t be fair to him if I had acted on my emotions before the breakup. If it had happened to me (and the breakup wasn’t in a mutual fashion) I would be crushed.

Now that the world knows my journal here, I may resort to locking up my entries for a bit.

Alright, going on 1. Off to bed.

Happy Saturday.

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