I haven’t let myself be sad about what transpired yesterday. Until now, but I can’t do anything about it because he’s home.
It feels unnatural right now. To be single, but yet still living together. It was awkward going to sleep last night, with my ex. Nothing happened, I wouldn’t let anything happen. I was just way too tired to care about anything and just went to bed like normal. I woke up this morning realizing that could very well be the last time we ever sleep together and it scared me.
Do I move out to the living room now, or what? I know it’s his bed in the bedroom, pratically everything we’ve shared is his. I’m too afraid to ask him this personally, so that’s why I’m typing it out in here.
It’s strange. I can’t even ask him that question. He hasn’t talked to me much either. I’m too much of a wreck to speak, so.. so much for that.
A friend told me to give him my letter I had written, to get closure – nothing to be against him, but to give me closure, or I’ll feel like crap if I don’t. I already feel like crap, how can it get worse?
On a good note, I got a stub from my direct deposit from work today. YEAH BABY! It’s going to help out a lot… I won’t spend it, except to pay bills. I may get out of debt now. Here’s to hoping.
A bit ago, some Mormon representatives came to our door, me thinking it was Pizza Hut (I didn’t order any, but that would be good anyway) opened the door to find two young men dressed in suits and shook my hand and introduced themselves. So, as of now I’m going with them on Saturday morning to their church to get to know the people and the place. Eh. I’m such a sucker. Tomorrow morning I’ll call to cancel.